Welcome me back friends. I've been on hiatus (read soul-sucked by my day job) but I keep having a repeat theme show up in the daily lives of my girlfriends.
We have all been at that uncomfortable part of a new relationship where we don't know what's going on. We had what we thought was a really good series of dates, wherein the object of our affections gave us seemingly high level of interest, only to have them wait a week or so to contact us again or play other such games.
I'm not going to sugar coat it for you (it's how I roll). That's bad.
When you are forced to deal with the elephant in the room that is the sudden drop in attention, that's your gut. And she is telling you to bolt. Before you go manic, stop. Breathe. Before those shitty thoughts that never got anyone anywhere creep into your psyche "what did I do to make him not call anymore", or "I must not be good enough", remember...it's not about you. He might have mommy issues. He might have recently been hurt. He might have an IQ of 40. He might not be over someone else. Or, he might be a good old fashioned commitment phobe. What the reason might be is not as important as the message. For whatever reason he doesn't appreciate your awesomeness. Do you really want to date a fool who either doesn't get it or is too blind to see it? I didn't think so.
Yes, you have to kiss a lot of frogs in today's dating world before you meet a prince. It used to be, before whatever intrusive media we have decided we can't live without invaded our lives, that a man would have to ask the permission of a woman's father to even take her out. Over the years, women's rights have advanced somewhat, and we have taken over the roll of decision maker in our own lives. But that doesn't mean we always make the right one. It's like a syndrome these days to see smart, attractive, competent, well-put- together women weeping over this type of stuff when all they have to do is cut loose he who does not get it. Don't get me wrong. I've been the dumb girl too. She sucks. I had to learn through many repeated emotional ass kickings that it's always better to pull the band-aid off of a shitty situation rather than carry on until it really hurts. If you don't cut loose, and continue to wait until he "comes around", the resulting heartbreak will be your own doing and your own fault.
Here's a surefire way to gauge interest. Stop calling. Stop texting. If it takes him longer than a day to check in with you (and by that I mean "hey Susie want to go to the movies this weekend", not the blanket text that could be sent to his mom or his dog), there's your answer. The guy with genuine interest texts and calls you every day. He sends you cute messages in the morning. He calls you in the afternoon to tell you a funny story. He makes plans to see you after work or whenever he is free ( as in later this week, not two months from now). If you have to ask why he's not giving you attention, the answer is almost certainly that he's not that interested. And don't fall into the text trap if you can help it. If the only contact you have with a person is through text, you're in trouble. It's not a relationship, it's "Craig's List dating". Don't be the person with the couch that is desperate to sell it for $50.
Remember that one of the most attractive things about a woman is her ability to value herself. If you don't take shit from anyone, eventually you will meet someone who doesn't want to give it.
Have a lovely week darlings.
ESJ
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