Picky Pick Pick

There are many many online dating websites these days. Many have specific twists to try to weed out people with interests or backgrounds that are dissimilar and could potentially be deal breakers (jdate, eharmony etc.). I don't really get the whole exclusivity thing (like most religions, it seems to exclude more than include or offer up an array of people whose differences might actually teach you something). But I digress. Whatever floats your boat. I have friends who have said "I'd never date a guy with characteristics such as X." And while I admire them for knowing what they want, sometimes the qualifications are somewhat ridiculous and exclude people who would otherwise be perfect for them.

I have one friend who refuses to date a man who has blonde hair. Really? I know some VERY attractive blondies (Paul Walker, Charlie Hunnam, Chris Hemsworth come to mind in the celebrity world). And then there's the whole style thing. Women are more inclined to care about wardrobe than men. It's just life. Unless you're into the whole metro phenomenon, which I've rebelled against by taking LESS care of my own appearance, a lot of guys are going to be fixer uppers in that department. Many don't care, or wouldn't have the slightest inkling of where to go to find clothes that are stylish and complimentary to their body type. Help them. Provide guidance. Go shopping with them somewhere affordable and give them your opinion. Most are open to it. They want to look good for you, and they know that if they do, chances are you'll want to jump them later.

But let's get down to the real problem with the Picky Paulas out there. Anyone who knows anything about psychology can see right through the excuse. People who are really picky are often that way because it keeps most people at a distance. If they pick a potential partner apart and focus on their flaws so they don't connect with them and subsequently sabotage the relationship, they don't have to risk the other person rejecting them for a similar reason or, even worse, for something that has to do with their character. I for one can deal with a rejection based on stupid criteria (I'm too tall or other such nonsense). But if someone were to say they are rejecting me because they believe I'm an idiot or a fool, that stings a little more. I have always tried to date men who are over 6'0 tall. Why? Because I'm 5'7 (add a few inches on for heels), not stick-skinny, and sometimes feel like "the big girl." I don't want to dwarf my boyfriend because it makes me feel like a moose. That however, is MY problem. I also didn't think I'd ever date a freckled red-head and well, now I live with one.

So here's the bottom line lovelies...it's ok to have standards. It's ok to have specific things that you don't want a person to possess (a Smartcar for example).  But when it comes down to it, how much of your dislike of their characteristics has to do with them and how much has to do with your own issues? Think about it, and maybe try giving one item on your list of 500 deal breakers a pass. You may just meet your soul mate.


ESJ