Emo hamburger anyone?

I have never been able to let go easily. I carried a blankie until I was ten and it was so shredded and worn by 1986 that it became a long running family joke. I also played with barbies until I was 12 and still have some stored in my parents' garage. Why am I telling you this? I understand what is difficult about abandoning a situation (or person) that has run its course in your life. But the worst thing you can do if your relationship has reached its sell-by date is to keep trying to make it what it once was or what you want it to be.

Once upon a time I had a boyfriend who was exactly what and who I wanted out of life. He was tall, charismatic, charming and mysterious (read emotionally unavailable). For three and a half years he tortured my poor soul and left me wanting more (red flag numero uno). I waited for his call always, never dated anyone else (even when we were "off") and basically lived for him. Choke.  As was mentioned in a previous post, I was completely in love with him (well more like obsessed) and he liked me "enough" to keep me around for that length of time. Our relationship was mostly long distance and I think that probably was why I was so enamored (it's easy to maintain the fantasy when the person isn't involved in the day-to-day hum drum). My dad never liked the guy (and that was a red flag as he's not the typical dad waiting at the door with a loaded shotgun even though he can be a bit scary). He once told me, in his tactful yet fatherly stern way "he just doesn't seem present". It was such a brilliant observation and after the ex and I broke up, I wondered how my father could look at the two of us together for 5 minutes and see it. But I digress...

So one August evening after I had moved to Vegas and was out with some friends, I discovered after not being able to get ahold of my boyfriend, that he was in town. He just didn't want to let me know he was here because he was partying with his friend, who I liked to call the "id". It was at that moment that I realized our time had come to part ways. As actions speak louder than words, his lack of communication left no question that this person put the "I" in TEAM and I needed to run as far away as I could from him.  I won't get into the specifics of the breakup (it was the first time in my life that I was able to tell him to go pound sand). And to be honest, it felt good to unload all that emotional suckage. I have since learned my lesson with regard to beating dead horses or trying to squeeze water out of rocks or any other metaphor one can think of that symbolizes fruitless and pointless pursuits.

Here's the general rule of thumb with regard to letting go: if it consistently makes you feel like shit more than it makes you feel good, walk away. I know that sometimes when a relationship is reaching that point, any small measure of good will or period of calmness can mess with your head and make you think things are back to normal. Don't let it fool you. Weigh the percentages. 80% shitty and 20% happy is still not a good ratio.

Have a great week friends.

ESJ