How do you sort the massive database of people who are on there? Depending on the site, you have the option of narrowing your search criteria to be fairly specific such as race, religious affiliation, height, hair color, etc., (you know, all the things that in the end will be deal breakers).
But what do you do once your list emerges? I think that depends on your level of interest. I rarely sent emails to prospective "fish," or "matches," but when I did, it was usually something light-hearted and funny. I didn't really go out with many people from there but I certainly emerged with interesting stories to tell friends and family. After a few months of doing this I found myself becoming more and more talented at picking out those who were never going to be Mr. Right. Here is a brief list of things I looked for followed by a loose guide to online etiquette. Yours could be different, depending on your priorities.
1. Does he have a drink or a beer in his hand in every photo? That would be a no thanks. If the only pictures of someone taken are when they're double fisting at a bar, they probably aren't the marrying kind, or at least, not currently. Also, they most likely don't have any hobbies and are in need of an outlet.
2. Is there only one photo, and it's ethereal and of the side of his or her face? That means he/she knows he/she's not very attractive and will most likely not look anything like the picture. Don't you want someone who is comfortable being who they are? I do.
3. Does his/her profile talk about anything other than what he/she likes to do, who his/her friends are, or what type of car he/she drives? If there's not one damned thing in that drivel that suggests he knows at all what he's looking for in a woman (or what she's looking for in a man), that means he/she either doesn't know or just doesn't care. Run. Run fast.
4. Does he(she) have a self portrait on his profile that was taken in front of a toilet? Someone who doesn't take the time to at least have a friend take a semi-decent picture of him/her with his phone to make sure future beaus see a decent representation of himself probably isn't that dedicated to the cause. Just saying.
5. Are there pictures on there with him and strippers? When men, who typically shy away from having their picture taken unless they are transgendered, are posing with some scantily clad woman cloaked in glitter and daddy issues, they are doing the equivalent of posing with a ferrari. It's something they can't afford but probably spend time dreaming about. Not interested. I've always found that men who frequent those places are searching for some sort of fantasy that will never be. I'm more of a "too truthful to be good" kind of girl. Take it or leave it...this is me.
And now for the online etiquette. These are my personal rules of conduct for online dating....I'm not a complete a-hole, but I really don't believe in wasting people's time if there's no attraction.
1. You are not required to respond to everyone who sends you a message initially. Just because they picked you out of a sea of ugly sweaters doesn't mean that you somehow owe them a response. I once received two threatening emails from a person who said "didn't you get my message? Are you just not responding? I'm sure you are so busy that you just don't have time for me."
Uh....hey PSYCHO. Since you're so insistent on me responding, let me take some time out of my busy schedule to tell you I'M NOT INTERESTED. But thanks for playing (that was word for word by the way).
2. Don't text naked pics of yourself. But if you decide to do this, make sure you cut off your head and any identifying tattoos etc. You don't know this person, and you don't know how important or unimportant they will become to you. I don't really know of any long term couple whose first fond memory of each other was a beaver shot on their blackberry. A nicely timed naked pic once you're together for awhile is nice, but within the first week of dating it's perceived as desperate. FYI.
3. Don't meet people for lunch or dinner until you've met a few times. If you want to see how well you click, meet for coffee or something else that's benign. You have no time or monetary obligation to them then. It's far easier to blow them off afterward if they didn't drop $150 on dinner. Plus, do you really want to be "that bitch who made me take her to dinner and never called me again"?
4. If it's possible, and you see someone on there who strikes your fancy, wait. Chances are you'll end up on their "guess who's checked you out" or "favorites" list and they will contact you if they're interested. If they never do and you happen to look on the site 6 months down the line and they're still on it, they might be a "searcher" like the strip club frequent flyers mentioned above. Let's not.
I once met a guy on match.com who I spoke to on the phone for awhile and finally met at a restaurant, where I proceeded to order a double vodka soda and a salad while he had coffee and sat and watched me eat all night. "Perhaps he is just not hungry" I thought to myself. He then proceeded to pick things off of my salad plate and talk about the other people at the restaurant, specifically their physical attributes and shortcomings in that department. Who the f died and made this guy Brad Pitt? I'm not sure, but I was quite certain there would be no second date. I still see him about town occasionally, and have a friend who also went out with him once. We laugh at the fact that he is still looking for Ms. Right. With his impossibly high standards, he'll be searching for awhile. Good luck bro.
No comments:
Post a Comment